So, you just got engaged (Congrats!!) and among the gazillion other things on your new to-do list, you’ve scribbled “premarital counseling” in the margin. But what exactly is premarital counseling and do you really have to go through it before you tie the knot?
But wait, there’s more…
If you’ve known someone for 5 minutes or 50 years, there is ALWAYS more to know. There is always more to learn. People have so many different thoughts, experiences, opinions, love languages, and communication styles. A lot of those things can be rooted in your upbringing, and some of them are often shaped by life experiences. Premarital counseling is a tool used to open communication between two people that want to get married who are seeking a firm foundation on which to build their lives together. It can be a sort of class that is set up with the preacher, pastor, or officiant that is marrying you and your fiance, or it could be something you and your partner do with a separate counselor, not related to your nuptials.
What do you want to talk about?
Anything and everything under the big, hot sun. Marriage is a commitment that is best entered into with lots of conversations about everything you can think of. You don’t want to waterboard your future spouse with long marathons of deep conversations, but you do want to have an ongoing conversation that continues to unfold over time. You want to open the box and talk about big and small things.
That’s not what I expected.
One of the BIGGEST things that should be brought to light is expectations. Where do you expect to live and work? Whose family do you expect to visit for the holidays? Do both of you want children, and if so, when? What parenting style did your parents use raising you? What traumas have you experienced and what triggers you? How do you expect to deal with a misunderstanding? Who is going to do the laundry or grocery shopping? How do you expect to manage your finances? The list goes on and on. But the list isn’t meant to overwhelm. It’s meant to open a door for you and your partner to walk through together so you can get a lot of things on the table before you get married.
Ultimately it’s up to you and your partner if you choose to go through a few premarital counseling sessions before you say your vows. Premarital counseling is a wise and healthy decision for any couple that is considering marriage. It can help provide the framework you need to build your lives together by opening up a conversation with a trusted third party to help you navigate a variety of topics.
